Temporarily Failing

I used to think that I was never going to grow up. I’m not sure where that thought process came from, but in my head, I still have a tough time looking at my grown-up problems.

Having to talk to a significant other? Gross.

Talking about what makes you upset versus just holding it in? Disgusting.

I have taken very few losses in my life. Even those that I did take, I hardly remember. My mind forgets these moments. I can’t complain. It’s good for my ego. I don’t suffer much from it. I can’t say the same for the people around me who care about me. That’s always been their problem in my head. Keeping the door open for those that want to leave has always been an option.

That’s terrible. The fact that I’m even comfortable writing that piece out.

Don’t get me wrong; it’s not easy to type that. As a matter of fact, it’s a little humbling. You have to remember; I don’t take losses. Openly typing up some flaws will obviously not be my favorite topic to write about.

I’ve carried a secret with me for much of my life.

Those losses (or failures) have made me who I am today.

You think I choose to be an overthinker?

You think I choose to put all the pressure on myself?

You think I like to lose sleep over the words I never say?

I am those failures.

I’ve had dreams and goals. I’ve failed to reach those dreams and goals. I could have all the reasons in the world, and it wouldn’t matter to me.

This year is about that. I’ve failed. I wasn’t prepared. I did not do enough.

It’s all temporary, though. That’s the only thing I can hang onto.

I’m coming for everything I ever said I wanted: one way or another.

I may not have an end goal set in mind.

Chasing happiness is a good start. Being happy with the now will suffice.

I’m going to remember the taste of my coffee or tea in the morning more often.

It’s all temporary, and that’s the most beautiful thing.