You know when Simba runs away when his dad dies and he finds Timon and Pumba and they introduce him to their motto, “Hakuna Matata”? His ass grew up through the rest of his childhood right into young adulthood without a worry in the world. That dude still came back just to become king and run shit back home. In a way, we’re all sort of Simba, right? We want to enjoy what we have in front of us and just not worry about what happened in the past and accept things for what they are. What’s the point of dwelling on what you could have done differently or what you could have done better? You just have to keep it pushing.

I look back on what I’ve grown through and what I’ve done in my young life and I can’t lie, I think about all the shit I could have done differently for one reason or another. I imagine things playing out differently all the time, but I also could give a shit about the outcome most times. It’s already happened. I can’t change what I’ve done and apologizing multiple times for what I’ve done doesn’t change anything. So I refuse to apologize. I learn and grow through it.

I think what makes me believe that I’m on the right track is that I’ve never been one to hold a grudge for anything and I have never intentionally hurt anybody. I’ve been many things. I’ve been a liar and a cheater. I’ve made mistakes. I’ve been unsure and have made choices I was never sure of. One thing I’ve learned from being all that is that it’s easy to mess up. It’s easy to keep fucking up and judge someone who fucks up occasionally. It is hard to recognize that you’re messing up though. It’s hard to not try and justify your reasons and just own up to the skeletons in your closet. It’s hard sometimes to be happy for someone else’s victory that should’ve been yours. It’s hard to be happy sometimes for someone having what should be yours or what you could have had. Admittedly, it’s not an easy task, but it’s the only other choice you have. I’ve learned the biggest mistake I’ve ever made is letting something that happen in the past impact what I’ve done in the future. I’ll take my loss, take my lesson, and keep it pushing.

So, no. I’m not as lost as you think and Hakuna Matata is a motto I can live with and it’s gotten me far in life. I can still genuinely feel happiness when it comes. It doesn’t make the emotional scars that I have, but at the end of the day that’s all that the past is, right? Scars.