I always wonder at what point I decided to stop shining my armor, waiting for the right one to fall for my trap of being the nice guy, and wanting to fall in love, build a family, and live happily ever after. Little Christian certainly was at this point in his life at some point. Don’t believe me; he just read some of the cringy pages in his notebook.

A few years ago, you’d catch me saying something like, “I’m so glad I grew up from that” or “I was such an idiot.” Now that I’m wiser (since I’m 30, of course, wisdom comes automatically, in case you didn’t know), I think that I aspire to be that kid again. I’ve stopped believing in the stories, and at this point in my life, I’m not just talking about the romantic side of things. I’m talking about romanticizing everything else. I would wake up and wish that I would one day go to the Big Apple and get on the subway, now I can lead a group from deep into downtown to anywhere downtown you’d like or even Brooklyn. I used to dream of waking up in an apartment in Brooklyn, and I built up this courage to stay in a fucking futon in some random person’s living room. I have gotten in the car of some stranger and paid 80 bucks to get a ride into the city. I’m not exactly sure why that should excite me, but I have fucking stories for days all because I had this dream since I was a little kid. Now, I dream much smaller. I dream of that merit increase (a raise) at the end of the year. I dream of not having to answer what feels like thousands of questions in an hour from agents that report directly to me. Do you have any idea how much I would have looked forward to this at just 18? Based on the questions I get, I would’ve laughed at you if you told me that I eye-roll at least six times before 2 pm. Since I was a kid, I knew I wanted to be the one to help other people with their problems now; I wouldn’t say I like listening to everyone’s sad story. Being a problem solver drains me nowadays.

Now while I aspire to be that kid again someday, I’ll start putting it into practice little by little. I can’t promise I can go all-in right now on being that kid again, but trust that it’s going to happen. I got that 30-year-old wisdom going for me now.