Before I go, I have a list of things I want to say.

I could probably say it all now, or I could say it later when I come back because that’s the plan after all. I’m coming back.

Life’s weird like that, though, right? I could be planning one thing right now, and then suddenly, everything in the plan falls apart for something better, eventually at least.

Okay, here goes. Oh, and before I start, let me say I think this is just the start.

I’m leaving because I haven’t figured out how to make me the focal point of my life. I know, that probably sounds crazy, right? Me? Not focusing on me? Doubtful.

Trust me; it’s not the easiest thing I could say out loud. I’ve been living with everyone else’s opinions or feelings for a while. My mind is constantly helping the people around me not get hurt or looking out for them. I’m nowhere near a good percentage of being good at this. I think my track record is pretty bad. I can’t figure out a way to be good at this at all. That’s just it, though. I don’t want to be good at it anymore, or I at least don’t want to be good at it right now.

I have no idea who I am without everyone around me. I’ve been journaling the last 30 days, and in those 30 days, I have yet to mention myself as something I’m grateful for before I go to sleep or when I wake up.

I’ve been busting my ass for some approval, and it’s exhausting, and just when I believe I’m getting to the point where it should be getting more manageable, I get that one thing that reminds me I’m back to square one. That reminder could be the pressure of another responsibility. More of other people’s problems being dumped on my plate. It could simply be a comment that irks me and makes me feel like all the self-work I’m doing has been a joke.

I’m leaving because I’m ready to force myself into the uncomfortable. As opposite as it sounds, since I’m leaving, I’m prepared to stop running away from my problems, and those problems are all the internal struggles I carry by myself. Maybe just like in The Alchemist, I also have a treasure I need to chase in the city.