Maybe it’s too much going on in my head. I don’t know where it all started, but if I had a genie I know that I’d still be the five year old wishing mom and dad would stop fighting. You could replace the parents fighting thing with just about anything, but maybe you could empathize with me a little bit. There’s so much I’m critical with myself for, and a lot of it is out of my hands.

Maybe it’s too much pressure I started placing on myself instead of just going with the flow. I always believed that going with the flow was for dead fishes, but the reality is that putting all the extra time in thinking, stressing, and worrying about past shit just cost me double work. When things are starting to go south I do my best to stay positive, shoot, I might make exhaust myself trying to trick everyone on the outside to not even notice this shit is driving me crazy. What’s going on in my head is that I’m making every little move to try and prove that ain’t shit wrong at all. I could almost hear my mind whisper to myself… “bullshit”. I don’t believe my own thoughts. Think about that, right? You’ve become a master of lies, yet your own mind won’t let you sleep over it. What the fuck kind of guilt is that anyways? Making you feel guilty about trying to give everyone around you less worry.

Maybe it’s too much, but it always feels like too little.