Unaware

Sometimes you have no idea how something you do impacts others in a way that might change their life.

I doubt the girl from 1st grade who told me she didn’t like me knew what she was doing back then, and I doubt she would even recognize me if she were to see me. The girl from middle school who didn’t like you back saw you at Target and didn’t seem to remember you than with her two babies. That was six years after the girl from 1st grade too. I can’t even front and act like I don’t remember their names because I definitely remember them. I could tell you the moment where that fear of rejection started because those are some of the earlier memories I go back to. Can you imagine that? Can you imagine being the first memories of you writing about heartbreak?

I wish I could have written at 18 the same way I wrote at age six. What type of heartbreak was I experiencing at six years old, and how different is it from the heartbreak I’ve felt in my older years? In an alternate universe, did my ego just grow even more significant because these two girls didn’t reject me?

A wise person once told me that you become a better man by those things that keep you grounded just because it feels that much better when you seem to touch the sky. That’s probably true because there have been times where I felt like I couldn’t come back down, and I wouldn’t have understood the feeling if it wasn’t for those low moments.

So, in times like this, I sit back, take a sip of my tea, and wonder how Sarah and Katie are doing, and I wish them all the happiness in the world. At the same time, I wonder if they ever remember the quiet kid who had all these conversations in his head with them but never dared to say anything at all. Maybe one day they’ll read this, and this could be my way of saying thanks for being just another page in my life because what’s a good book without a bit of content.