Me Not Ready Yet.

Admit it; you’ve jumped into something before you were ready for it.

Or is that just me?

I’ve been in the process of getting ready since I was five years old. I got myself stuck in a spot where I was getting ready instead of going through the process.

Just one example would be relationships. It’d be embarrassing to admit how often I thought I was ready for it all to change my mind the next month or the next week, or the next day. Lust is a powerful thing; it’ll have you thinking you’re falling in love. Moments later, you sit back and think, “wait, what the fuck is happening? I haven’t even been in a car with this person for a long car ride. Is she going to make fun of me every time I mess up on a lyric, or is she just going to sing along and call me out on it later?”

Yea, welcome to my mind. Crazy, right?

I guess I’ve been in the process of getting ready for so long that I’ve forgotten what I was preparing for. Maybe I was just full of shit and called it a process of getting prepared versus doing what I do best. Procrastinating.

I used to joke about living until 50, and I’ve come to realize that this probably won’t happen because I’d still not be ready from all the fucking procrastination I’ve done. Distracting myself from the shit that keeps my heart beating a little faster and a little stronger.

Maybe the process of getting ready is all a lie that men probably created way back in the day to avoid the end game. I have no clue. Maybe that’s my scapegoat, blaming it on someone I have never heard of or met.

The truth is, I’ve chosen to be ready for shit and not being ready for shit. I’ve jumped that cliff not knowing what was at the bottom of the ocean. Sometimes it’s been the coldest shit I’ve ever experienced, a thousand knives just piercing through my damn body. Other times it’s the thrill of jumping and realizing you’re suddenly deep in the water, and you reach the surface to take a deep breath in. That moment is that deep breath after being underwater.

So it’s a choice to be ready every day. Choose wisely.