Starting over is really a bitch as much as all the books and movies say, huh? I always thought there must’ve been some exaggeration or something similar. Maybe everyone who said that kind of shit before was really just weak and was lazy. I don’t know; I have always had a humongous ego; I’ve thought that was better than everyone without putting in the same amount of work. My ego had gotten so bad at some point that when I met anyone slightly cool, my first instinct was to find their flaw or something. I couldn’t continue without knowing that I was better than something at someone. I had to be better than someone, at least in one thing.

Obviously, I’ve learned that this is just a weakness and can be considered hating in hindsight. I would’ve never considered myself a hater by any means, but I can’t find a better word to describe it at this point. While there were people that I have always genuinely been happy for, it was just usually because they stayed in their own lane and had zero competition with me.

Starting over has helped me figure this out about myself, and I’m not proud of those moments where I was a bit of a hater, but I’m happy I’ve been able to figure that shit out and realize that I’m really the only one that I compete with. I’m the same bitch-ass kid that has been holding myself back, and it’s hard to look at yourself and tell yourself, “enough, you’re not the person you wanted to be, and now you have to work twice as hard to change everything.”

So here we are, and I’m just happy that I’m not allowing more time without me fucking things up for myself. It’s time for me to get on that cape and save my fucking self because nobody else is going to do it for me, and that’s okay.