I’ve had the mentality in which I think I have to be the superhero in my own movie, but I’m not sure that’s always had to be the case. It’s not necessary. It’s dramatic when you look at it.

In my head, I do have to motivate myself by telling myself that nobody else is going to do the work for me at the end of the day. I have lived most of my life thinking that somebody was always going to save me, but I’ve never said that out loud. Destination happiness, I think, is what it’s called based on what I’ve read. That just means I was waiting to get to a certain spot or waiting for a certain person who checks off certain things on my “perfect” checklist to be happy.

It’s ludicrous to believe that now when I see it back in hindsight. I felt like my future was the only time I could be happy. My past was always a lesson for me, and the present was almost always irrelevant to me. My ideas would literally make me believe that I had what it took to be happy and create my own happiness, but I think I always fail to think about how I have the power to do everything on my own.

I’m a fucking superhero. I have been the main character in my movie for so long. I think I’ve finally realized that I have to count on myself to do a lot of shit, but at the same time, I have to make sure I use my support system to get myself out of situations I don’t want to be in or situations in which I could use a little bit of help. Pride be damned.