You would think that being alone is a little bit different than being surrounded by all of your loved ones. I think it’s a bit different because my definition, while it may be wrong, is that being alone is just not having anybody else understand what the fuck is going on in your head.

There’s like a war going on inside my head, and I’m trying to avoid regret so much that I’m playing everything close to the chest.

I’m not sure how to do this whole “life” thing, but I’m pretty sure that’s no way to be living this shit. I’m out here feeling like a 2000 piece puzzle set that’s just missing a few pieces in the middle.

That shit drives me nuts.

The more frustrating piece is when you have a solid support system that would be open to listening to your crazy ass ideas, but what good would come of that in the long run? They’d probably start worrying more than anything, and I’m not trying to give them this much work, I know at the end of the day I have to figure out my own shit, and the work falls on my shoulders.

What else am I supposed to be doing to get better? Then again, why do I have the thought in my head that I’m still working on getting better every time? As if there’s something wrong with what I am now. Maybe it’s time I recognize that I’m just looking for constant challenges and stimulation outside of a normal routine.

Now that I think about it, that’s probably what’s caused me to go a little crazy. Ok, maybe not crazy, but a little unsettled per usual. That explains how when I want to do one thing; I suddenly want to do fifteen more things on top of that.

It’s a constant fucking hamster wheel because once I start getting my shit together and figure out how to do all fifteen things at once, I want to see everyone else around me doing the same thing. Shit doesn’t seem to work that way, though. Oh well, I guess it’s back to the drawing board.