Slowing down.

I learn better when I start to reflect on what is going on in my head versus what happens in real life. I believe trying to take the time to reflect on what’s happened throughout the year is critical, but sometimes I focus too much on what could have happened and why I am in the position that I’m in. For example, when the entire pandemic began, I believed that it would help me slow down. I was wrong as shit. I don’t think I could have been more about a prediction. Granted, I have taken some time to try and be comfortable with what I’m doing.

This year’s reflection has been a little bit different because I haven’t precisely learned much. Instead, I’ve been beating myself up for what I haven’t learned. I’ve been preaching consistency, but I haven’t been able to keep specific promises to myself. My dreams lately have been haunting me like my subconscious is trying to tell me something. Have you ever had those dreams where you can feel your stomach-turning, and it’s only a dream? I practice writing my dreams out in my phone to try and analyze what the hell it’s supposed to mean, but there have been dreams I’ve purposely ignored writing down because I’d rather not know what it means. Maybe it’s because I believe I already know what my brain is trying to tell me, but I’m in a little bit of denial.

I’ve slowed down and tried to learn ways to figure out how to think of nothing for just a few minutes. In a year where things are shutting down, my brain is not letting me slow down. I guess the next important thing to do is to build a plan for how to accomplish whatever it is I figure out after all of this reflection.