Nobody ever said it would be easy, but looking forward to the future and only learning from your past is worth it.

I can’t tell you I know about that experience all too well, but I’ve been living in the past for a lot more time than I like to admit.

I have a little bit of a highlight reel that I keep trying to make improvements on now and then. Whenever I start feeling some of my self-esteem dropping, I make sure that I remember how much of a badass I am. I’ve done a lot of cool shit in my life. The shit that other people have only ever dreamed of doing. Shit that I don’t even talk about because I know it’s probably fucked up to talk about my past experiences that other people haven’t had the chance to do.

I’ve done a lot of shit that I feel would shock a few people. It’s the kind of shit that makes people do that double-take, and they ask, “wait, are you for real?” Then I can say yes with a little bit of a grin. I live for those moments. I think I used to live for the moments where I could prove everyone wrong, but that’s behind me. I used to care so much about what everyone else thought. I’ve finally started to make decisions that only I care about. There are still some times where I think I have weak moments, but I move past them.

I think that I’ve always lived in the past because there are so many things I miss. So many actions I’d take to make things better or make them last a little bit longer. You know how sometimes you know you might be doing the wrong thing, you might be borderline going against some of your morals, but you still do it anyway? Yeah, there’s a few of those things that I’d probably do again, and if I could, I would’ve probably just been in the moment instead of worrying about the consequences.

Maybe that’s my selfish side talking. The more I start thinking about it; I think the more I wish I would’ve had more selfish moments. Sometimes, I believe that the more you have selfish moments, the more you’re able to give back to everyone else that needs it. The less resentment you have on anyone else that made you think twice about making selfish decisions, the more you can give back. I don’t know, maybe that’s a hot take. I think it’s worked for me so far. Or perhaps it’s working out for now.