Maybe it’s best not to fall in love with me.

I don’t know who I am at this point, and the more I dig deep, the more I begin to question everything I thought I knew before.

I hesitate when someone asks me what I enjoy doing because of two primary reasons; one, I don’t know if there can ever be a list of things I enjoy doing because there are so many things I enjoy doing. Second, I think I become embarrassed about doing so many things because I feel I’m starting to have fame of starting things and not finishing them.

I’ve wanted to write a book since I was a little kid. I imagined writing a book on an isolated island away from people just locked away and writing away. That dream still seems relatively cold, but times have changed since then. There’s so much one can do to avoid feeling isolated. May as well be in a bustling city like New York City. So, that’s one dream that has already changed. I always planned on having children by the age of 22, just like my father, so I could get a head start on retiring early and whatnot. Now I’m thinking only about the opposite. I want to retire, getting to see my kiddos grow up and enjoy getting old while watching them start succeeding. Now, age is all about mindset. I used to think about getting married at 21 because I’d be sure I’d be ready for it. Because I put that out into the universe, I would be gifted by great timing and introducing me to the right person at that exact moment. That thought process changed quickly. I suddenly enjoyed doing a lot more things on my own than anything else.

I once thought that I’d try and avoid being just like my father and own up to everything while avoid making the stereotypical man mistakes. I was pretty off on that as well. I became a terrific liar in the process, and it’s a skillset that sometimes gets used just for the hell of it. I’m not exactly proud of it; it’s just cool to meet new people in new places and coming up with a quick story just for the hell of it. It works on the memory a lot, though (in case you were wondering).

I always wanted to become the right person and a good man because I thought my karma would pass over to my siblings. Before, I used the reason for hoping my sister wouldn’t date the douchebag as the reason not to become that douchebag. The moment I realized that wouldn’t stop anything, I guess that theory went out the window. I should’ve always had the thought process of not being a douchebag because I would be dating just anybody’s sister or daughter. Nobody should have to deal with a douchebag.

I guess I’m bringing all of this up because maybe it’s not a good thing to fall in love with me. You could probably find a lot better things to do at this point, and ultimately I’m so freaking complicated and complex that I may not even be worth your time. I’m always changing my mind, and I’m not sure you’re going to want to be keeping up with that type of craziness.

With all that said, if I’m lucky enough for you to fall in love with me, and I ultimately fall in love with you, be prepared to evolve at all times with me. Being bored isn’t something I deal with very often, and sitting still isn’t my specialty. Be ready to continually begin challenging yourself and learning how to step out of that comfort zone. I want to get better individually so that way when we need to become a team, we’ll be “un-fucking-stoppable.”