Writing is weird.

There are times that I start thinking that I know exactly what I want to start writing about, and the first sentence sounds pretty fucking awesome. Then I stop myself because I have no clue how to follow it up. Maybe I put too much pressure on myself to continue. I can’t even talk about my writing because I start to cringe. I have notebooks with just 15 pages of random thoughts that I wouldn’t consider letting anybody read because I don’t know how to explain what I was thinking back then.

Sometimes I wonder how it’s possible to be scared of writing. My biggest reason for writing was because I wanted to publish my thoughts eventually. Eventually, I’d write a book with some of my better ideas. That’s going to happen, but it’s so hard to figure out how to get over this feeling. There are days where I don’t want to read over my work even to edit because I have days in which I want to delete everything. After all, it sounds so stupid. How else can I explain it, you know?

There are times where I write something, and I read it back, and I think that this may be my best work. Those times feel excellent. Sometimes, I want to publish it and share it amongst friends. That pressure would sort of suck at the end of the day. Now that I have one piece of writing that’s pretty solid, that would mean that I have to come up with something better.

How do authors do that?

Like J.K Rowling, the author of the Harry Potter series, how the heck does she follow up that series? Is that why she keeps writing about the same thing multiple decades later? Every other job sometimes seems like it has no end, but in reality, writing is a job that no end in sight. Once you’re finished writing one thought in your head, you have a dilemma of brainstorming what to write next.

Maybe one day I’ll end up looking back on this and laugh. I hope that day comes. I’ll worry about working my ass off until I get to that point. I may even end up asking myself what was on my mind. The most important thing that I’ll want myself to think back on is that I have so many goals, and many of them sound pretty crazy. Eventually, when you write that book for nobody else other than you, I’m going to be so fucking proud.