What’s Really Happy?

Is it even possible to be happy while thinking about something completely different?

Is this possible?

I don’t know.

Maybe I’m debating that now.

Maybe I’ve been wondering about that myself.

I’ve been thinking about how I’ve been trying to keep myself busy, mainly because I’ve had so much going in my mind, and it seems like the only person I want to reach out to is you.

I don’t know where even to start.

I want to tell you everything.

What is everything, though?

Where would I start?

I don’t even know.

I wish I could tell you just about everything.

I’ve trained myself to tell you the essential details.

I haven’t been practicing telling everything that’s on my head.

I wish I could say differently.

That’s not the case.

I’ve practiced just laughing everything off and just practicing the words, “I’m fine” almost every time.

Wasting time worrying about me is not even worth it based on my experience.

While it’s always been about me in my head, I think I’ve auditioned for the real part of my life to be about everybody else. In my head, that’s okay.

I don’t mind. I’ve been practicing my entire life to be focused on everybody else, and I’ve never been used to anybody else carrying about my life.

So forgive me when I can’t share what’s going on in my head.

Sometimes, I can’t even remember where to start. I don’t know which thought to bring up first, and sometimes I have to be asked millions of times before I find the right time to bring it up.

I don’t know what makes the right times, but they happen occasionally, and I can’t correctly pick the right time just out of thin air.

It just has to happen, and I see that sometimes you don’t have the patience to get there with me. That’s okay, it’s not your fault. I suck at this whole communicating thing. I don’t know how to share what I have going in my head. I don’t know how many times I’ve shared that, but I hate saying it every single time.