I don’t want anybody thinking…

Finishing that sentence is my biggest weakness. I have done it countless times and worried about something that wasn’t going to be such a big deal several times, and it’s almost embarrassing at this point.

Why do I care about what everyone thinks if I’m doing what I enjoy? Why does my attention have to go away from being in the moment because I’m worried about anybody else’s opinions?

You know that I look back on those moments, and I wish I took advantage more often. Taking advantage of the moment has never really been my strong point. I’ve had good moments, but taking the bull by the horns is something I feel I’ve been holding myself back on. I may not be the worst at this, but because I can think back to moments that I’ve done this, I know that I can do much better.

I look back, and that shit makes me want to try it all over again. I want a do-over, but I know that this doesn’t exist. Do-overs never seem to work, and they usually are not worth it. I want a do-over on a few things.

I want to do them over again and remind myself that worrying about everyone else’s thoughts would only ruin the moment then.

I want to stress only about the thoughts that were solely for me. I want to stress only about the goals I have and the plan I’ve set out for me. I don’t want to stress about anything else going forward.

I want to be able to call you and not give a shit about how I might sound. So that I can tell you how much I’ve grown since that shit. That’s all. Is that too much to ask?