I often sit and wonder why I choose to be so prideful. 

Pride is a hell of a drug. When I choose to sit on my ego, it’s like some sort of high that I don’t want to come down from. It’s almost like betting on a horse. Once I’ve placed my bet on this horse, I don’t want to hear anything other than the horse I bet on was the right one. If you say anything else, I will choose to ignore the hell out of you. All I want to hear is how I made a wise decision to bet on this specific horse. 

Even when I sit on it and reflect, my ego makes me want to look at all the reasons I’m sticking with my feelings and refuse to want to hear it any other way. Fuck everybody who is on the other side. Even though I’ve been working on fixing this toxic trait, I can’t help myself. I think about it also while I tell myself, “Chris, you’ve been working on this, man. What’s going on. Can we work on thinking about something else and putting a positive spin on this?” It doesn’t make any fucking sense. It physically hurts to give in and admit I’ve been wrong.

That self-work is hard, man. Way harder than I ever expected it. The hardest thing to accept is that there’s going to be times where I fail. It’s what happens afterward, how I react eventually. I’ve been wrong so many times, and that’s going to continue. I can only hope I keep making progress.