The small mentality has held me back from a crazy amount of opportunities. I was missing out on those opportunities, and that probably kept me back from many great memories. My parents always made me believe I could do anything I wanted. My mom always taught me to play it safe, though. If there was a chance of getting hurt, why would I risk it? I was raised to believe that the hurt would suck more than the opportunity. It’s one of the biggest reasons I wasn’t able to play sports in school. I was pretty darn fast in every game. That alone would’ve helped me get on the team.

There was a bigger problem than getting hurt. I was always afraid that I would not be able to keep up. I was a much smaller kid from the gates. I think I was in middle school when everyone was noticeably taller than me. It was still pretty easy to beat a lot of them in basketball; I was a hardheaded and competitive kid. I was not going to be trounced, and I would always put up a fight even if the kid I was playing were much more experienced than me. I was good though. I would always make it to intermurals. I would go to all the open practices before the tryouts. I would always catch attention for my speed. Now and then I would make a cool play, but nobody was watching. Maybe I thought I wasn’t good enough because I wasn’t the best. That was where I lost my motivation. I never got pulled aside by the coaches to tell me what I was doing wrong or right. I didn’t understand what I was supposed to do to draw attention. I never played in a group or a public sport. The most I had ever really gotten to was playing in the park or on the street in front of the house with all of the kids. We were pretty damn good at most things we would do. The only sport I ever played was soccer, and I was fast and tough. Most of those kids were about the same size as me, but even I would bully them. Our team sucked, and losing was even less fun. It made me hate soccer. I never properly learned how to lose.

Not until I was able to get the chance to coach my little brother in elementary school did I become the coach I always needed. I was no better at losing than these kids, but I was learning alongside them. I was down to fight any of the parents too. Anybody could’ve gotten it. I talked a lot of shit too. These were parents of 4th and 5th graders. So if anybody ever asks my credentials for thinking I could be a parent, I go back to those times. I got better once I coached at the rec league in 6th and 7th grade. I learned as much from those kiddos having fun as they hopefully learned at least plays from me.

My point is that I think I’ve been downplaying myself for way too long. Even though these memories are from school and a few years after school, they still haunt me to this day. I should’ve taken more opportunities. I am good enough to do whatever the hell I want, and I have the determination that most people stay wishing for. I guess the last person to convince was always myself.