I think in a world in which I felt I was chasing consistency, I’ve only really been working for intensity. The most prominent example of this would probably be the fact that I’m always down to sign up for half marathons and consider signing up for another marathon. I want the intensity of 26 miles in a day’s journey. Not to discredit my journey with efforts with that marathon, that was indeed a challenge. I just think that I haven’t been putting in the work every day to get to where I want to get. I should be doing less daily than trying to do everything in one day.

I’ve always wanted to write a book, but I haven’t even gotten started on that. I guess it just seemed like I would one day just wake up and say, “Hey, I’m going to write a book today” and then just complete it that same day. It probably sounds silly, but that’s not how it works. I need to figure out a plan. I need to write shit down more often.

I’ve been writing consistently for the past ten weeks or so, and I keep expecting myself to have this breakdown or have someone unexpectedly run into my writing and start promoting it. For someone that claims to be such a realist, I’ve been living in fantasy land for a while. Maybe I’ve been pretty fortunate my entire life. Perhaps I’ve been paying attention a lot more than I initially thought. I should be looking for the same signs that I caught onto when I was hungrier to get my name out there. I want to get better; I do, I think my consistent practices should be showing that. Maybe that means I start practicing some writing twice a day.

Here are some goals and how I think I’ll accomplish it.

1. I want to get back in shape.
Getting in shape means that I want to lose some excess weight. Gain some tone and be able to do some miles at the same pace I used to be able to do five years ago. That means 28 minute 5ks. Maybe drop down to 165 in weight. Move the fat to muscle going in all the better places.
2. I want to become a better writer.
I think for me to believe that I’m a better writer, I will be able to show off my writing to my close circle. I don’t feel comfortable doing that. I want to start writing my book, maybe that’s writing a chapter a week. Perhaps it’s figuring out what exactly I should be writing about in specifics.
3. I want to feel good about my career.
Feeling good about my career means that I have to use my platform to help others succeed. I didn’t get all the help I wanted when I was just starting or when I was in a messy state. Maybe I can be the person who helps pick people up in that regard.
4. I want to give back to my community.
I’ve always said that everything I do is to try and erase poverty. I don’t have the wealth to help too many people leaving in financial hell pick themselves up, but I’ve had congressional meetings to speak to my representative and senators before. Maybe it’s time to pick that work back up.

I don’t know what happiness looks like; I know that Thomas Jefferson said something about the “pursuit” of happiness. I can say I’ve been reasonably happy, but there always seems to be that little guy on my shoulder saying that I could have more. Sometimes, I can feel my ego telling me that I could have more than what I have, and then I can feel my heart telling me that I could be content and grateful for what I already have. Maybe working on these four tasks will be what I need to get closer to that pursuit of happiness.