Lately, I’ve been thinking about how all my previous mistakes have been the same old mistakes I’m used to making.

As soon as I start thinking that I’m making progress, I find myself in the same hole. Maybe I am making progress. Perhaps I’m just really hard on myself.

I’ve done a lot better; I know that to be true, but better is only a small step. Do people often get a craving for making mistakes that they’ve made before? Is there something in your brain that’s wired to trip you up when the same opportunity for an error shows up?

I’ve been telling myself that it’s time to switch up for a while, and maybe this is the right time. Perhaps I need to figure out what I should be doing differently. Not necessary to do it correctly, but to do it wrong because that’s inevitable at this point.

Maybe I should start looking forward to making new mistakes all the time. That should be the thing that keeps me out of my comfort zone at the end of the day. Perhaps it’s time to recognize that I’ve been fucking up the wrong way. Why would I fuck up in five different kinds of ways, when there are hundreds of other ways to fuck it up.

I have always tried to keep the clean record of living up to my errors, but I guess that’s pretty easy when it’s the same errors every time. How am I supposed to grow this way?

It’s time to stop giving so much attention to the previous mistakes I made and open the door for the new ones. The ones that nobody else would expect or call crazy. More importantly, maybe it’s time that I stop giving so much attention to the previous mistakes just for me. I have been living with the thought process that I have only a certain amount of time to fuck up, but I have to let go of that.

Opening the door for new mistakes might end up being the most significant risk I take.