“I ain’t a killer, but don’t push me.”
That’s still one of my favorite Tupac lines of all time.

In the movie, “Inside Man” with Denzel Washington he says something along the lines of, “half the people in Montego Bay weren’t murderers until they chose to kill someone.”

I firmly believe nobody gets raised to just do wrong, amongst others. If that’s the case, what forces us into that corner where we have no other choice?

Sometimes it must be selfishness. I can’t think of anything else. Maybe it’s the ego convincing ourselves that we’re doing the right thing in the end. Perhaps we’re creating our justice. There’s also the chance that we could just try and do well afterward as if we could pay back our debt for the evil we caused with good deeds.

I don’t know what causes people to make the decision that they make. I don’t know why I make stupid decisions either.

It’s a lot tougher for me to think back on it when I’m reflecting. Even the thought of some of my mistakes makes me cringe, and I’d rather not talk about it. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or not.

In hindsight, there’s a lot of choices that I made that I thought were the right ones, and then suddenly, I stand there just like a deer in the headlights, and the reality of it all hits me at full speed. The collision causes a mess in my mind about what the next step would be, as my ego makes me believe that going backward would be some sort of sin.

So what does that cause? Rushed decisions based on panic because now I don’t know what the hell I’m doing.

Maybe I am the person responsible for being pushed into the corner. Perhaps I need to take more accountability and speak up. Perhaps I need to understand that decisions will only be “bad” decisions in hindsight and let it go.