I’m not one to believe in horoscopes or things of that nature. I’ll listen because I like to think it’s fun, or I enjoy criticizing it. After all, all that horoscopes generally do is give some sort of general message to everyone. I don’t know what the planets aligning have to do with my own life for the most part. I do believe in coincidences, and I do not think that mercury being in retrograde has anything to do with my life. I think my life is too irrelevant to the rest of the universe for it to be care.

At the same time, this year has been the strangest year of my young life. I’m sure that it’s been pretty weird for everyone else too, with the whole virus happening, the protests, and Kobe dying. It’s just a pretty strange year overall. I think it’s been the weirdest year of my life too. If I have to be honest, while there have been so many negative things that have happened and continue to happen, I think that this is still one of my proudest years.

I think that every awkward moment I had before 2020 has only prepared me for each of these moments.

For starters, Kobe’s death messed with me so much when I heard the news. I didn’t want to believe it. I went numb. I’ve been lucky enough never to lose a close family member, and I hope that I’m strong when that day comes. Let’s face it, that day WILL occur, but Kobe’s death sort of gave me an idea of what that would mean. While I didn’t personally know Kobe Bryant, I was always watching him. Ever since I was a kid, I know that I wanted to see every move he made, watch every speech he had, and read every word he wrote. He had some mistakes, but the way he bounced back after each of them was my favorite. Kobe’s death was a reminder to me that no matter how invincible you think someone might be, there is a set a date for everybody. It’s not a matter of if, it’s a matter of when. It makes it that more important to live out the days you have to their maximum potential.

This virus thing has me all sorts of confused. First of all, I hate calling it by its name because I feel like it’s a murderer and giving it name recognition fucks with my head. I don’t know how I would’ve reacted to being at home all the time years before this. There was a moment in time that I would’ve hated staying in the house. I wouldn’t have found something productive to do. I would’ve looked for any opportunity not to have to sit and have uncomfortable conversations with my family, or worse, awkward conversations with myself. Fighting with the thoughts that would race through my mind continues to be a difficult thing for me to do, but I have had no choice with the stay at home orders. It was only a matter of time until I embraced it. Before all of this happened, I always wished for more time because I was busy doing things I can’t even remember now. I finally have an opportunity to consider two things; what I felt nostalgic for doing and the people I missed enough to make time to see them. These are things I would not have felt if I hadn’t made the mistakes I have made in the past.

Lastly, the protests have woken me up to think a lot more about what it is I need to provide to the world. I believe we are all here to give the world something, big or small. It’s our “personal legend” to do something that we enjoy so much that we bring a slight change to the world to make it a better place. I don’t know what that looks like for me. I’ve been writing for the past couple of days. I don’t see how that will provide positive change, but I know that if I grow this skill well enough, I can maybe make something out of it. Plus, I have built the courage to speak up without having to argue. I have gained the skill to listen, truly listen instead of hearing to respond. I have my moments now and then, but it happens.

My point of this is that I’m not sure if the universe cares about me enough to make the planets align to change my mood, to alter my thoughts, or to impact my actions. I like to think that coincidences just happen, with one of my favorite sayings being “it is what it is.” I have to believe that everything happens for a reason, so I guess it’s time I start changing my mentality and just go with the flow. Maybe the universe does care about what we all do and gives us signs every day to push us to do that one crazy thing we always thought about doing. Maybe I should take all of the changes as an opportunity to get started on the project that I thought I never had enough time for completing. Perhaps I do get all the traffic lights on red on my way home sometimes, just to allow me to hear that one good song from beginning to end. I don’t know. I do know that it’s a lot more fun to think of things that way. Maybe I should do my part and take my advice more often. We’ll see.