The Marathon

I find it super tough to do positive things at times.
There are times where I forget how far I’ve come, and I can’t stop now.
There are times where my pep talk doesn’t quite feel like enough.
I have moments in which I remember how much I’ve fallen off from doing something.
I remember times in which I messed up, and it makes me wonder what I’ve done to deserve to be in my spot.
There are occasions in which I believe that I might be acting a little fake versus working with sincerity.
I catch myself wondering if I’m just playing the game better than anybody, or if I genuinely just want to win for my sake.
I have to stop myself from trying to be better than everyone else.
I sometimes use everyone else as my motivation to do better, because I figure I have no excuse not to work harder.
I don’t know if there is ever a way that I could just say that I have good intentions and don’t mean any disrespect by doing this.
I understand that I’ve gotten pretty good at playing the corporate game, and I’m not sure that my 16-year-old self would be happy with myself for it.
Sometimes, I think I’ve become a little bit of a sell-out.

That’s when I remember that this entire thing is just a marathon.
We’re all doing this whole thing, not knowing what’s waiting for us at the finish line.
Some people will find medals along the way before even finishing, but some people will see no sort of pats on the back until they reach the end.
I’ve gotten some praise, and yet I still feel empty when I cross certain finish lines.
I used to believe that I was on this Earth with higher expectations. I think I am here to serve some sort of higher purpose.
Now I’ve realized that this could an ego problem, but I refuse to believe we’re here just to be anything less than a higher purpose.
The chances of us being here in the moment are too low.
I hope we all find our reason for our marathons.