How many promises can you look back on and think that you’ve kept?
No matter how small, how big, or how ridiculous they could’ve been.
I know that I have made many promises to many people, including myself that I probably haven’t kept.
I don’t know the number of times that I’ve promised forever and ever and haven’t kept my end of the bargain.
Shoot, I’m pretty sure I’ve promised someone my 30s once I got there.
I’m not saying I’m proud of those broken promises, but I think it’s worth noting that I have a history of breaking promises.
Does that make me full of shit, ya think?
Like, at that time I know I must’ve felt some sort of way to make that promise, but now I just look back and I’m thinking to myself, “what the hell was I thinking?”
I can’t be the only one to think about that, right?
Just a few months ago I remember calling my grandparents and my grandfather was proud as heck to still show that he had my homecoming picture from when I was a Sophmore in high school.
I look at that picture and quite frankly I can’t tell if my date and I were just forced to go to the dance together.
It’s kind of funny now that I think of it.
That same person was someone I made a forever and ever promise.
Now I sincerely don’t think we ever meant it.
Maybe we just didn’t know any better?
How much responsibility do we have for something that we don’t know better of?
Thankfully we were able to go our different paths and I’m sure it was best for both of us, but I can’t but think of those that didn’t realize that they didn’t know any better during that time.
While I don’t think it was a mistake to go through that chapter of my life, I think that whatever lesson it was, it didn’t cost me much, time-wise.
How many people have had to learn these sorts of lessons with a bigger price to pay? How does that even work?
I’m not judging, quite frankly, I just don’t understand what the universe has in store for me after this.
Will karma ever come back to bite me for this kind of stuff? Or does it just kind of pass on to the next of kin?
I hope it doesn’t. I think whatever it is, I’m ready to pay karma back. I know we don’t decide that, but sheesh.
I look back and I’m thankful, I just want answers.
I guess ultimately I’m the only one who holds the answers for my book. I just wish I could figure out the responses sooner than later.