Hey, Universe.
It’s me again.
I know I haven’t kept in touch lately.
I stopped the urge of trying to talk to you daily.
Since we’re being honest, I want to make sure I put this on the table.
I’ve lost confidence in you.
I’ve lost faith that you seem to know what you’re doing.
I know that sounds wrong.
But I think that’s the only explanation as to why I am the way I am.
I used to be an optimistic kid. Looking forward to everything you had in store, without having the slightest idea on what that could be.
I trusted that you’d make the best decision for me.
Somewhere along my journey over the years, I’ve trusted in you less and less.
So, I wanted to ask you some questions while I have your attention if you don’t mind.
How do you make your decisions?
Do you laugh at some of the situations I get myself into?
What do you do when I start believing less and less?
What do my dreams mean?
How did it come across your mind to just put most of us at home?
How can I help those that need help if they can’t communicate?
What’s the bigger picture of this?
Do you ever laugh at some of the things that I do?
I know there are times where I think you’re just showing off, and I point at you every time. Do you kind of smile back?
How many more mistakes can I do where you’ll keep having my back?
Why did you have my friends leave me at the time I needed them the most?
Why Kobe? Why so soon?
If you have all the plans already created, do you also have backup plans for them?
Is there an alternate universe that I’m in where I make opposite decisions?
Why did you take care of me so much as a kid?
What were you trying to teach me?
Why have you tested me more the older I get?
How can I get the strength to face those skeletons in my closet and this point in my life?
How angry do you get when I ignore the signs you bring down?
How upset are you when I start asking for more signs?
How much can I still grow?
What’s the plan?
Even though I’m inpatient, I still do trust you.
I know what you’re doing is what I’m supposed to be doing.
While I’ve always questioned time, I know that my timeframes aren’t always accepted because I am where I am supposed to be at all times.
Just be patient with me. I’m working on it. All of it.